It's R's birthday... I hope I won't message him this time... I just some of sooo happy pictures of them... It threw me into a panic attack. The only thing I felt was the numbing pain of emptiness and heartbeat faster than a sprint. As if it was just before finish line... I've been exhausted. Haven't slept since the eclipse. Crying all over again. Having nightmares all over again. xxxxx You know, I miss the times when I used to laugh with my whole heart and soul... when I u

Butterflies... I knew R for sometime. I knew of him for a few years by now. I used to see him in the climbing gym with his girlfriend. I used to think I would like to have a man like him in my life... Earlier this year, after I payed of my dept and finally felt happy in years, I met him again in the same climbing gym. He was a great climber, very precise and committed... and way better than me. I chatted with him a few times. I was just having a time of my life... Finally

Hey you, How are you holding on? Can I tell you first? I moved half around the world to escape my daily nightmares... Well... I still cry... I still don't feel anything except pain and cold.. but I don't wish to die anymore... at least not everyday and night. I'm back coaching skiing and I really enjoy it. I knew it when I was coming back that this is going to help me. I used to love helping others... It gives me purpose in life. And this is why I'm writing this blog about