February 2nd'26 Deja vu
I've been postponing writing. I've been up and down for a few weeks. xxx How are you holding on? Are you working on your daily routines? Are you being kinder to yourself? You know, I feel a bit better... since I'm on the other side of the world surrounded by people who love me and believe in me. I still cry... I still don't heal... I just exist.. and train.. What about you? xxxx Yesterday, I decided I have to train harder and work harder to achieve my climbing, mountain
Feb 31 min read
February 4th'23
Butterflies... I knew R for sometime. I knew of him for a few years by now. I used to see him in the climbing gym with his girlfriend. I used to think I would like to have a man like him in my life... Earlier this year, after I payed of my dept and finally felt happy in years, I met him again in the same climbing gym. He was a great climber, very precise and committed... and way better than me. I chatted with him a few times. I was just having a time of my life... Finally
Jan 61 min read
January 5th'26 New Year
Hey you, How did you survive the Holidays? Are you ok? I cried all over and over again. I ski full time again and it worked for a while. It kept me occupied. But... I needed "me time" and it all escalated. I feel just emptiness and pain... asking myself why all over again. Why can he be happy and sleep like nothing ever happened while I've been struggling with depression and insomnia? How can he laugh knowing he fucked me up so badly that I still bleed and cry? xxxx Hav
Jan 51 min read
December 23rd'25 Christmas Whistler
Hey you, How are you holding on? Can I tell you first? I moved half around the world to escape my daily nightmares... Well... I still cry... I still don't feel anything except pain and cold.. but I don't wish to die anymore... at least not everyday and night. I'm back coaching skiing and I really enjoy it. I knew it when I was coming back that this is going to help me. I used to love helping others... It gives me purpose in life. And this is why I'm writing this blog about
Dec 24, 20252 min read
