Have life just kicked you down?

...and you don't remember how to get up again? Or it's been just too much and now, you are wondering if it's worth getting up at all? Have you been dealing with depressions, loosing somebody close to you, loosing all your investments due a bad business decision, or love of your life? Or all above?

Welcome to my blog... and my life... sometimes, when I'm in sarcastic mood, I think to myself, if surviving all your worst nightmares was a life style... I would be an icon... (rolling my eyes out loud...)

Let's be serious for a moment. I'm not "a life coach." I hate that name... Who the f.ck are you to think you know enough about my life to try to coach me...? Having said that, I have upmost respect for my coaches... I've been in skiing and mountaineering my whole life. 17 years ago I moved to Whistler, Canada, to pursue the life of a ski bum... or ski coach (that sounds more professional). I coached and taught around the world... If I didn't fly to Canada, I would never know what I'm capable of. But thanks to many coaches who saw my potential I became a great skier and coach...

Along that journey I fought many fights.. some with my own insecurities and bringing up.. some due failing exams and life kicks.. some due loosing friends in the mountains.. two in particular when my parents died.. and last year... after loosing most of my money in a bad investment and recovering from it, falling in love after 17 years and loosing my best friend, coach, mentor and father figure, Wayne.. and loosing the love of my life at the same time...

It's been just over a year since my struggle with depressions started... I couldn't help myself anymore..

Before June 7th 2023 I used to laugh.. a lot... I smiled all the time.. In fact, my answer to the question: How are you? was always: day after day better..

I used to love running. Running, specially ultra trail. It was a parallel to life for me... some days you are up and strong and some days you are just dragging your feet behind you.. (if you've ever run, you know exactly what I mean)...

.. but then, last June (2023) all the nightmares and traumas hit me with their full rage and knocked me down... and I didn't have the strength to get up.. I stayed down for months... struggling with just simple tasks like getting up and making a toast. Going outside, even just to work felt like mission impossible (not the one with Tom Cruise doing all his stunts)...

I was living my worst nightmares and traumas... all together... all at once... every single day.

If you've been through hell and back, you know what I'm trying to say.

So? You might be asking, what do I want to say? I would like to tell you my story and share with you, how I've been dealing with the demons in my head. I didn't take meds or drugs for that matter.. I tried my own way. It may not be perfect and it may seem that it's not working everyday... but it's mine and it's been helping me and I hope it will help you too..

See you next week...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx