Spring time here

I know. You are saying: "Wait, what? it's almost summer..." Not where I live. it was still snowing up on the mountain and it was cold until yesterday. First 2 sunny warm days.

I was struggling to write anything these last few weeks. I was overwhelmed with work and the cold weather. I was very harsh on myself, criticizing everything about myself.

I know, I've been struggling with grief for not just my best friend, but for my mom, my dad, my close friends who passed away over the last few years. And I've been struggling with depression after the man I fell in love with after being alone foe 7 years, fixing myself.

I started to write my story last year. I started painting and drawing. I started to play piano. I set goals. I train. I read and write.

But... some days the grief and depression hit me with their full power and I just crumble like all happened just yesterday.

If you are telling me this, I would tell you to be kind to yourself. To be patient with yourself. Healing from traumas takes time. Some days you are doing great, some days you need to reward yourself for getting out of the bed. That's ok. Take just one day at the time...

This is the idea behind my blog: To help you through your hard times. To be here for you when it seems nobody is. To listen to you and to write about my experience.

I'm a reader. I used to read 2-3 books every week when I was younger. I'm getting beck to that.

Recently, I found a book about shadow work. It's about all feelings and emotions we learned to push away. It's about the part of ourselves we are ashamed of. It's about our "dark side." It's about accepting your dark side.

Dark side

I've been drawing and painting faces with a dark side. It's easier than describe how I feel. And it gives me clarity, as if with painting, I take my dark emotions and put them into the painting instead of holding them inside.

Wanna give it a try? I started with water colours and just put colours on the paper, no technique, no style, just colours...

one of my first 'paintings"

xxxx

No matter, what day you are having today, do one thing for yourself, no matter how small it might be.