May 28th'24

It’s almost 7am… I had wine last night… I slept until 2am… and then… nothing…. I felt so angry… I’m turning into a stone and ice… 

Have you ever had those feelings! I put them into my dark journal… I’m planning on burning it once it’s full.

xxxx

I’ve never been normal… always a loner… Loved reading, hiking and mountaineering and had 1 close friend all my childhood… 

When I started ski coaching and flying around the world I was trying very hard to become social. I tried to fit it. I tried to become extrovert…

… You can imagine… I’ve never quite have…. 

In Whistler I ended up ski touring mostly on my own… and coaching with a small group of coaches who accepted me for who I was. They are my extended family and I miss them. 

I didn’t have to pretend to be someone else around them. My returning clients appreciated me for I was as well… 

South America was more difficult…. I tried to party with the locals… tried to drink to numb my feelings and emotions…. I ended up touring alone at night… 

Then I moved to Verbier, Switzerland. Winter was great, one of the best snow conditions in years… I made a few friends I skied with. It was very different from my Whistler winters…

Summer turned up great. I was teaching languages at a local language school… and I fell in love with ultra trail running. If you never heard about ultra trail, it’s simple: you wake up middle of the night, put your trail running shoes on…. take some snacks and water... and then you run until you can’t anymore. You are either going up steep uphill or steep downhill… If it’s too steep you walk. When you're hungry you eat the snacks (usually something sweet) and when you're thirsty you drink until you can’t anymore…. and you return home after 50-80km, when it’s dark again…. dirty, sweaty, smelly (stinky) with blisters on your feet and sunburned everything you forgot to put sunscreen on…  

… and calm…. satisfied…

Life was simpler then…. 

xxxxxx

Talk to you soon...