June 2nd'24 7pm

I didn’t write in the morning. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t sleep anymore. I needed some energy  for the course I was attending. It was a basic climbing course and it was first time for me to lead it. It felt natural and my team was doing great. 

I managed to push my darkness away for a while, but when I came home it all hit me at once.

In the morning before I left I was thinking about what is making me feel a bit more normal…. 

Yesterday after work I didn’t fo for a run. I went for a walk and talked to Dawn. Dawn is my friend from Whistler. We chatted about life and I told her that “I need to redefine my life. I need to start doing something I’ve always wanted to do but never made time for.

That’s the reason I’m writing this book. That’s the reason I started painting. That’s the reason I changed pretty much everything about my business. That’s the reason I’m thinking about leaving this place…. 

So, here is my next suggestion for you: REDEFINE YOUR LIFE… 

Think of something you’ve always wanted to do. Carve out some time every day and start doing it. It doesn’t matter if it’s good… I started painting. I used to love art, especially piano, Mozart and Beethoven. I’d always enjoyed visiting castles and museums and art galleries.

When a friend of mine started painting and posting her work online I admired her art. It spoke to me like nothing before.

  When another friend gave me one of her paintings… She said that she though I would like it, to her, the painting is me… I see what she meant. Every time I look at it, it speaks to me. It feels like she painted my soul… pink and blue… hiding the darkness.. Thank you Hannah.

Painted by my freind Hannah

… and now, I’m trying to understand the darkness in me through my own paintings. I’m learning to understand that my anger is just a pain and sadness. My panic attacks are just cries for help… 

I’m fighting my tears every day and I’m fighting my demons every night… Some days are better than others. I’m learning that I can be strong in my weakness… 

Between you and me, I doubt myself almost all the time. I blame myself for everything that had happened to me. The only times I don’t blame myself are,

• When I paint, I focus on the colours to express my feelings.

• When I climb I focus on climbing.

• When I teach and when I coach…

… I need to do more of that. I need to focus on writing. I need to focus on the next step.

xxxx

What were my goals for June 2024?

• Write 100 pages and rewrite them into my computer

• Write everyday for a month (started on May 13th’24)

• Paint every day for 30 min 

• Start a blog and write twice weekly (3hours weekly)

• Find a publisher (in New York)

• Train: run, climb, bike, skimo

What are your goals for this month? Write down five goals; as specific as you can.

1)

2)

3)

4)

5)

Now, write down your plan for this week: (my example)

• Write one hour very day

• Paint 30 minutes every day

• Write your blog: 2x90min - Tuesday and Sunday

(be specific, fo example I looked at my next week schedule and Tuesday and Sunday are my only days I can find the time and space to do it. Be realistic.)

• Find a publisher - push to next week when I’ll have more time

• Train:

Monday: morning routine+bike, eve bike and climb

Tuesday: morning routine+bike, eve run

Wednesday morning routine, evening run

Thursday, Friday, Saturday: mountaineering

Sunday: rest day, morning routine, walk

How does this sound? Are you ready to plan your week?

I’m proud on you! You made IT!